False Intimacy Through Gossip and Stuff
by Tyler Zach
I am a recovering gossiper among many other things.
Sitting around a large group of people it seems I rarely have much to say. One day, while I was feeling very isolated, I pondered with all my might something cool to say. Then, an idea quickly popped into my head. Earlier that morning, I had read an article that caught my eye (on a sidebar) while I was logging into my hotmail account. Suddenly, I opened my mouth, and with much drama, I said, “Hey, did you guys hear about blah blah blah?” Quickly, an imaginary spotlight turned on and everyone turned their head towards me. I was now the center of attention.
Gossip is so easy…for both guys and girls. I think that gossiping, over-dramatizing stories that happen to us, and any other form of stretching the truth comes way to natural. Why is this the case? Our need for intimacy?
As humans, we crave authentic relationships. God designed us to be relational people that grow intimately towards Him and other people. When we gossip or stretch the truth, we are making a giant attempt to draw our audience closer to us and create a strong bond – a bond that is constructed through falsehood, not the truth.
When I pretend that I’ve been wounded by someone, my friend’s instant reaction is to share my pain and comfort me and confirm that I was indeed treated unfairly. “I can’t believe so and so did that to you,” my friend responds. “How can people be so stupid,” he continues. “I’m glad that WE are smart and competent and good-hearted,” both of us think inside our heads at the same time.
This makes us feel good inside and loved and cared for. But, this intimacy was still not brought about by truth…but falsehood.
Could it be that we stretch the truth and talk about other people so much because we ourselves don’t know how to speak in truth? Are we afraid that if we speak the truth about other people AND talk about our own life situations exactly how they happen (instead of adding extra cool stuff)…that we would be lessened and simply known as boring individuals?
Do you, like me, like to talk about other people so that you can gain favor or intimacy with your friends or family members?
What or who does your family talk about when they get together for family events?
What or who do you talk about during your guys’ or girls’ night out?
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." James 1:26
“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman…he who does these things will never be shaken.” Psalm 15:1-5
I am a recovering gossiper among many other things.
Sitting around a large group of people it seems I rarely have much to say. One day, while I was feeling very isolated, I pondered with all my might something cool to say. Then, an idea quickly popped into my head. Earlier that morning, I had read an article that caught my eye (on a sidebar) while I was logging into my hotmail account. Suddenly, I opened my mouth, and with much drama, I said, “Hey, did you guys hear about blah blah blah?” Quickly, an imaginary spotlight turned on and everyone turned their head towards me. I was now the center of attention.
Gossip is so easy…for both guys and girls. I think that gossiping, over-dramatizing stories that happen to us, and any other form of stretching the truth comes way to natural. Why is this the case? Our need for intimacy?
As humans, we crave authentic relationships. God designed us to be relational people that grow intimately towards Him and other people. When we gossip or stretch the truth, we are making a giant attempt to draw our audience closer to us and create a strong bond – a bond that is constructed through falsehood, not the truth.
When I pretend that I’ve been wounded by someone, my friend’s instant reaction is to share my pain and comfort me and confirm that I was indeed treated unfairly. “I can’t believe so and so did that to you,” my friend responds. “How can people be so stupid,” he continues. “I’m glad that WE are smart and competent and good-hearted,” both of us think inside our heads at the same time.
This makes us feel good inside and loved and cared for. But, this intimacy was still not brought about by truth…but falsehood.
Could it be that we stretch the truth and talk about other people so much because we ourselves don’t know how to speak in truth? Are we afraid that if we speak the truth about other people AND talk about our own life situations exactly how they happen (instead of adding extra cool stuff)…that we would be lessened and simply known as boring individuals?
Do you, like me, like to talk about other people so that you can gain favor or intimacy with your friends or family members?
What or who does your family talk about when they get together for family events?
What or who do you talk about during your guys’ or girls’ night out?
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." James 1:26
“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman…he who does these things will never be shaken.” Psalm 15:1-5
posted by Tyler Zach at 9:54 AM
1 Comments:
Great Blogs Tyler. I like the one on gossip...hopefully it wasn't me that you used as an example for that one. Oh, well if you did. Everyone needs to work on this in their life. Everyone needs to read your blog.
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