Attacking or Withdrawing

I have been happily married now for over a year and I am proud to say that me and Lindsey have never had a fight yet. Things have just been so perfect. And if you keep reading, you’ll know that I am a big liar!

Conflict is all around us, at work, at school, at home, and everywhere else in the cosmos. We all handle conflict differently. Most of us either attack the conflict or withdraw from conflict. I tend to be an attacker. I hate not having peace between Lindsey and me. Instead of thinking through the situation patiently, I try to solve the problem as fast as possible. I try to control the situation, which just brings more conflict. Lindsey, on the other hand, likes to withdraw from conflict. Instead of fighting for peace, she withdraws and isolates herself, giving her a temporary kind of peace. Both methods don’t work.

I was thinking the other day: Does the way we handle conflict in our everyday normal life play into the way we handle the cosmic conflict (the conflict that exists between God and the world)?

Since we have drifted and separated ourselves from God, there is this tension now that exists throughout the whole universe. That is why we as Christians share our faith. We want there to be peace between God and the world again.

The Scripture says, “God… reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” One of the ways the original Greek word for reconciliation (Katallage) is described is “the restoration to favor with God”. We have been called to be peacemakers, to create peace between God and others so that he will have favor on them.

This comes through the person and work of Jesus. But, I think in the telling of the good news about Jesus, a lot of Christians have failed miserably, myself included.

We can’t ignore the fact that our sinful tendencies (in resolving conflict) bleed into our methods of evangelism or sharing the gospel or sharing our faith – or better, bringing peace.

If you are an ATTACKER when conflict arises, then you might struggle with the following when trying to share your faith:

Self Righteousness: I picked the right team and so everyone else should do the same. They are wrong and I am right.

Pride: Since I know the truth, I can persuade others to follow God without God’s help.

Arguing or Subduing: If I put fear into people, I will be able to control them to do what I want. If I can’t inspire them to change, I will manipulate them.

The final result: At best, people will avoid you. At worst, they will not want to follow Jesus if it means going to church with people just like you.

If you are a WITHDRAWER when conflict arises, then you might struggle with the following when trying to share your faith:

Insecurity: I don’t know how to share my faith very well so I better stay away. I don’t want them to think less of me.

Fear: Better to be safe than to take a risk and lose the argument. Plus, I wouldn’t want to put the relationship/friendship in danger.

Denial: I’d like to think that there really isn’t conflict between them and God. And if there was, that’s between them and God.

The final result: At best, people will like you but you’ll experience a lot of bitterness because the people around you will not be experiencing the peace of God. At worst, the people in your life will not get the opportunity to be reconciled to God and spend eternity with him.

So, what does it look like to be a great peacemaker? Sorry, there is no formula. But I do know one thing. A lack of godliness will not contribute to good conflict resolution.